Thursday, December 31, 2015

New Years Eve 2015- Part 2 Future Dreams

What will my life look like on December 31, 2016?

I am different now, I have managed to lay to rest most of my mental issues and though the depression is present it has entered a minimal ie barely present stage due to some extremely hard work I did at the beginning of the year.

I have decided to embrace life and with that decision I have begun to take better care of myself and the weight is gradually going away as I spend more time walking and socializing with my peers.

I have learned to give people the benefit of a doubt though earning my trust is still difficult as I am still working on that.

I have finished both quilts and they now grace my bed.

I have completed all of my DIY furniture makeovers and my home is cozy and reflects me.

My word for 2016 is TRUST
Trust in myself, trust in others, and trust in the great spirit.


New Years Eve 2015 - Part 1 Retrospective

So... here we are at the end of another year. Time for a bit of a retrospective.

I have learned the basics of belly dance and danced for the Professor a couple of times.
I took a few classes and I can say I have the basics but I never danced for the Professor. I found that it took me two weeks to recover from each hour long session so though I signed up for twelve weeks I only ended up going three times. I love the dance I just don't have the energy to do it properly

My diabetes is under control
I take Metforman and I eat properly but I have a very strong sugar addiction and I regularly find myself waking up with a sugar hangover. I have been trying to find an alternative but fresh fruit is expensive and those sugar substitutes just don't do it for me

I have reached 180lbs because of a more physically active lifestyle and this has helped with both the diabetes and the fibro.
Sadly just the opposite is true, I did make it down to 224 but am back up to 250 and after the disaster around the belly dancing I kinda gave up and have become very sedentary. I had a dog for a little while during the summer and that helped but I gave her away cause I was tired all the time, Early mornings and late nights were taking their toll

The depression is also decreased in strength because of the cognitive therapy I began at the beginning of the year.
I don't remember if I actually did this or not. Since I don't remember that means I didn't do much. The depression grew bad enough that the doctor doubled my Buproprion this month to see if that would help. It seems to be, at least the black clouds have parted enough that I can actually discuss the thoughts causing them

I have a regular sleep routine in place and have noticed some improvements in my thought processes as well as more relaxation in my body
When I was following the routine to the letter this was true but for the last few weeks I have been sleeping a lot more. I associate green christmases with death and this year was the greenest christmas I have ever experienced. The first death that I am aware of was my father-in-law and while I wish I could have spared my husband this it is not my choice to make.

My word for 2015 is Focus. It is my intention to focus on becoming more physically active this year because it causes improvement in so many different areas.
What I hoped for and what I got were two very different things, my life this year has focused on my continued ill health and putting many of my monsters to bed. I have reached the ripe age of 55 and I am seeing the world in a different way that I used to. But then the word works for you in the way you need it not the way you want it to.


2015 was a year of joy and sorrow. I connected with a few old friends. I was able to finally tell my ex-husband why our marriage broke up. I reconnected with my son and met his fourth child only days after her birth. Living on my own in a place I didn't have to share turned out to be OK and until recently I didn't mind being by myself so much. Since my birthday that has changed a little but I still prefer my own company to others. I am learning about trusting others but it is slow going after a lifetime of being an untrusting loner. Even my current husband does not have my complete trust but I trust him more than I trust anyone else even my own children.

Perhaps that should be my word for 2016, Trust, it is the one thing I need to learn of that I am certain.

2015 my father-in-laws death took us by surprise as none of us had any idea he was sick. His death may have been the catalyst the Professor needed to start taking care of himself, I hope so. If he does then I will become more careful as well. 2015 was not a good blogging year for me but you know that. I figure none of you actually read this anymore cause the updates have been few and far between.