It is probably the most difficult part of losing weight for me at least in the planning stages. Its not that I don't know what a healthy diet is or what a proper portion is. That stuff is pretty simple, where I get into trouble is the actual planning and preparation of the meals. Shopping for food, cooking it, storing it all that stuff. I don't have any idea what I'm on about. For some reason this part of the planning is out of focus and I can't get it into focus at all. I'll try again tomorrow.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
I know I need to focus on the last two months of 2013 but my mind keeps moving into 2014, I feel like it is going to be an epic year but only if I plan it carefully and make sure I am focused on what ever it is I am going to do. My problem is I don't have a clue what is going to be that important for me to accomplish.
I can think of dozens of things that I want to do, learn, be, go to but to focus on only a few of those... I have no idea where to begin.
Focus one has to be the fitness thing, try as I might I can't put that one out of site but if I am working on it now is it for the new year or a hold over from the old year and I need to formulate other goals.
Do I need to plan it any way, yeah I know, dumb question, I do need to figure out what I can do to meet my goal of one pound a week. At the same time ....
I am having such a hard time finding the words to explain the turmoil in my head. Why does my mind keep skipping over the next 60 odd days, I can do a lot in 60 days, I know this and still I dither.
Nothing I do is pre-planned except medical appointments even the babysitting I usually only have about 12 hours notice sometimes less. I used to be able to stick to a plan, I used to have a regular routine but I lost it some how. Now I have nothing ... nothing planned, nothing organized.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Definition: success or a reward that you try to achieve, often by competing against other people
I don't compete in anything, I'm just not kind of person. It has caused me some problems but I'm willing to bet it has saved me from quite a few more. Still everyone should have a brass ring, something they would like to accomplish in their lives with or without the competivness gene. For me, I suppose my brass ring right now would be to make some progress , visible progress with the weight loss game. Hmmm that was an odd choice of words but I suppose if I can see it as a game maybe I'll be willing to work hard enough to win to my goal.
The brass ring for me would be to be able to walk into Ardene and purchase one of those tee-shirts I've been admiring, yeah their for teens and tweens but heck I'm entering my second childhood so I guess I can dress like a teenager if I want.
Friday, November 22, 2013
So I saw the dietician today ... I was happy that I could tell her I had done my homework and even went a couple of steps further. Which seemed to please her so I was pleased. My next appointment is Jan 2nd, figured that was a good date because it is in the New Years Resolution period. If I can go back having lost another four pounds and an inch or two then I will be happier still.
My homework this next month includes watching my carb intake and keeping it to 30-45 g per meal, she even gave me a food guide that actually spells out what they consider carbs. The second thing is to take one class per week at the YMCA, I mean I have the membership, I'm paying for it so I should put it to use. If I can work it up to more than that that again will be a big plus for me. That and I need to make an appointment with a fitness trainor and actually attend the meeting.
Next week I go see my doctor about my sugar, hopefully it is at a more acceptable level than it has been. Oh yes and I am going to a Dance Your Bones next Thursday evening, I am really looking forward to that especially since I will be going with my new friend Doren
Monday, November 18, 2013
As I sit here in the dusk of my life I wonder how would my life have been different if I hadn't gotten pregnant so young? I think about how my life could have been different if I had no struggle that final year of high school and gone into the programming program at Sir Sandford as I had planned?
Would I have passed with honours and found lucritive work some where? Would I have been able to live a proper life instead of the one I ended up living?
It is all relative I suppose. Could have maybe completed one year of college then got pregnant or I could have completed all three years and made it to Toronto as a tax paying citizen. Instead of spending nearly thirty years living on Social Assistance I could have been a contributer. Do I regret having my children so young? Not really but sometimes I wonder.
So many circumstances would not have occured if I had completed that degree. Though nothing says that what I did have would have been better.
1) Completed programming course at Sir Sandford
2) Got in on the ground floor with Microsoft and helped create the internet
3) Continued to upgrade my skills learning or maybe even creating programming languages
4) Switch to creating web pages or databases
5) Get out before the dot com melt down
6) Retire on my income from my microsoft investments at 55
Well it is a dream life!
I am preparing to take the next step in the process to obtain ODSP the last step, the legal step and my brain keeps going on about it. I think I need to get the diagnosis forms from my doctor and I need to talk to a lawyer and still it goes round and round in my head, whole conversations as if I'm talking to the tribunal and trying to get them see that I do qualify but on and on and on and I know I don't have the paper work and I know I need to go to my doctors office on Thursday and I'm tring to figure out how I'm going to afford that. My daughter wants 240 for christmas shopping and I'm worried how I'm going to pay our bills and the rent. On and on , she wants to spend the money and pay the bills and I need money to get to the drs and I'm probably not going to be able to find it unless I ask Rob and I really don't want to ask Rob but it may be my only choice, the ODSp letter is dated for the 25th so I need to get the paper work out ASAP but I've been so sick & depressed this past three weeks that I haven't got it done. I want to sleep but my mind won't quit racing, I have to stop sleeping during the day it is really playing havoc with my body schedule. I need to get active on the weight loss stuff again. I need to deal with all the piss ant stuff that piles up all the time. I have at least managed to get my closet done and the main room though I still want to go througfh my clothes and pare it down so I have a seven day wardrobe and a few things for exercise and a couple of dress outfits and give away or toss the rest with the aim to replace everything a piece at a time as I lose weight.Round and round my mind goes and where it stops no one knows. I want to get some sleep but it just isn't comong, I think I'm going to have to switch my medication to the mornings but then I'll end up even more tired than I have been. I need to stop sleeping and get on with life, I slept , have slept most of the days from Wednesday to today and I can't keep doing that, I really can't. It interferes with getting the things taken care of that need to be taken care of. I am supposed to do a budget and a grocery list for Ness & dean and I keep wondering why I'm still doing it after a yerar, she just doesn't get it and he is so worried about upsetting her that he lets her spwend even when he know he shouldn't. It the whirl finally slowing down. It would be nice if it would, The ODSP stuff is heavy, heavy on my mind because I have left myaself so little time. I hope I can get the paperwork and the legal stuff straightened out this week, It's all the time I have left. The doctor will see me near the end of the month and he is going to be disgusted because I haven't been trying very hard to fix the weight issues even though my body reminds me daily the wear and tear carrying an extra hundred pounds does. Roundy round, roundy round please my brain settle down so I can sleep. Even concentrating on my breathe didn't help I just kept going back over the same thoughts, I am unable to work, hell I'm unable to care for myself because of the depression and the fibro and even losing weight ias not going to eliminate either problem, if anything it will make it worse because I will need to find another way to cope besides eating anf playing computer games once the weight is under control, so I don't regain it and put myself into one of those awful diet spirals again. It's bad enough with the depression
On & on round and round but I am finally yawning and feeling tired so maybe it was enough.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
If you are looking for a political discussion you are in the wrong place. I have voted myself non-confident. I was sitting here tonight and realized that during the last week I have eaten a lot of chocolate. I have been sick and depressed for a few weeks now but this was the worst week yet. I slept from Wednesday all the way through to Friday with brief periods of conciousness to empty my bladder and engage in some games that require no thinking. Oh yes and to eat and boy have I eaten chocolate & chips mainly. Talk about eating unconciously, it took me until just about an hour ago to realize just what I have been doing to myself. All the progress I made since Sept gone, lost in the morass that is depression.
The trigger started with the letter saying my latest bid for ODSP had been denied. Followed closly by my fathers death day and his birthday, plus the illness I suffered after I got my flu shot. So much has happened since the tenth of October. I think I am on the mend but the next couple of days will tell. Especially Monday as I need to make a couple of very inportant phone calls. I have lost the final notice from the Board of Social Services regarding the ODSP and I need to see if I can get it replaced or at least get a look at it as I do not know where it came from and I need that information before I can face the tribunal and I do not have much time left to make the appeal.
For the life of me I can not remember where I put that letter. I tore this place apart looking for it today with no luck, I am hoping it is down on Nessa's desk, otherwise I am screwed. Wish me luck!
Friday, November 8, 2013
I sit here cursing this computer because even as I type this I figure you won't see it online before the 10th. This blasted box is having connection issues right, left and centre and as if that were not enough I have a pain in my gut and another in my hips that won't go away.
I could and will blame the hips on all the rain and cold weather we have experienced for the last eight days, the pain in my gut well that is new or rather a renewal of an old pain. The last time I had it the H Pylorii were having a party in my intestines I think they might have recovered enough to have another one. Or maybe it is just the physical manifestation of the stress I have been feeling regarding this whole weight loss thing. It seems to me that I am terrified to actually do anything physically active beyond the walking I need to do to get around. The why is hideous and silly and sad, I feel like a cask just waiting for some big muscular dude to come along and roll me down the street. Or a more apt word picture might be a big pumpkin in an asparagus patch.
I know I need to do this, I know I should do this but I really don't want to go into a class full of other people and see myself as that one fat person who keeps acting like she's thin, which makes her look like a fool infront of the others in the class. Do I know it wouldn't be like that? Of course I do, I've seen one of the classes I'm interested in during a session, they do not look that much different than me in size and age range but still I hesitate, still when I think about going everything tenses up and the cramps in my gut get worse.
Irrational fear, totally and completely irrational but it stops me, causes me to second guess myself and avoid putting myself into the preceived bad position
stupid, stubborn and bordering on madness my fear of being laughed at or made fun of surfaces at the most unexpected moments. As mental blocks in is simplistic and you would think easily overcome but after nearly 50 years of harbouring it, it is so ingrained on my brain that it overwhelms all my common sense.
Almost time for bed, more later.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
To Re-iterate the main goal is to lose 100 lbs in 100 weeks. Since that is two years and 2 months I think I need to break it down into much smaller chunks so that i can give myself a reward several times before I reach my ultimate goal and the ultimate prize, (a new wardrobe that I actually like). Before I get to that though I need to get a few things recorded and to set a decent recording schedule.
Height 5 feet 1 inch
Weight 225.8 lbs taken at 9:14 AM in my birthday suit before I eat or drink anything
Directions on how to take these mesurements was found at Super Skinny Me as were all of the following calculators unless I say otherwise.
Also this article suggests you take the measurements every couple of weeks so that will be my recording schedule, twice a month on the 1st and the 15th
Waist to Hip Ratio calculator says mine is 0.89 the recommended ratio is 0.85 or less for women with the ulitimate goal of 0.7 which is the ratio calculated to be considered the most attractive to men
The Body Fat calculator says I am 63.2 % body fat. The site I used suggest this is only a ballpark figure and to get a more accurate picture I can use body fat calipers or have a procedure called Bioelectrical Impedience (BIA) The ideal level for women my age is 16-25 % so I definitly have a lot of work ahead of me. This is one of the caculations I will have to do multiple rewards for.
At this point you may be wondering why I am doing all these calculations. I am doing them because I want to get as accurate as possible image of my current physical shape so that I can have multiple ways to measure progress. The more good news I can generate for myself the better.
Body Type is needed to find an accurate ideal weight. Using the calculator at Super Skinny Me I have been found to have a large bone structure. According to their Ideal weight Calculator I should be in the 125-140 lb range which I already knew. My ultimate goal is 125 lbs but I would be happy with 130 lbs
My BMI is 42.7 which puts me at Obesity level 3 which is the highest the chart goes, in other words in the worst category possible with the most chances of death from some fat related disease. For comparison sakes the chart also says my ideal BMI would be 22- 27
Next comes the final measurements
Basal Metabolic Rate: 1671 calories. This is how many calories my body needs at rest. This is the base the others need to be calculated from.
1) This is without an exercise program:
Maintenance: 2006 calories. This is how much I need to consume to remain at this weight
Weight Loss: 1604 calories. This is the amount I should eat to facilitate weight loss
Extreme Weigh loss: 1203 calories. This is the quick/ kick start level.
2) If I throw in a 3x a week exercise program it looks more like this:
Maintenance: 2298 calories. This is how much I need to consume to remain at this weight
Weight Loss: 1838 calories. This is the amount I should eat to facilitate weight loss
Extreme Weigh loss: 1379 calories. This is the quick/ kick start level.
3) And if I ramp it up to 30 minutes every day it looks like this:
Maintenance: 2737 calories. This is how much I need to consume to remain at this weight
Weight Loss: 2189 calories. This is the amount I should eat to facilitate weight loss
Extreme Weigh loss: 1642 calories. This is the quick/ kick start level.
The doctor has actually suggested the last one and I think for myself this is a good idea; first because it gets me away from the computer for at least half an hour a day and two because if I get to choose which days to work out I'll choose none.
Over 700 days which is the time period I am allowing myself I need a calorie deficet of 500 calories a day. As per normal this is devided into two categories, less food going in and more calories being spent during physical activity.
Just a couple of more things to check. If I go with option 3 and the kick start for 28 days then I need to figure out how many units of fats, carbs & proteins I need to eat to obtain that caloric intake.
Assuming I eat five times a day the breakdown looks like this:
|Calories/ day||903 cals||411 cals||328 cals|
|Calories/ meal||180.6 cals||82.2 cals||65.6 cals|
After the 28 days I'll switch it to the higher level
|Calories/ day||1204 cals||547 cals||438 cals|
|Calories/ meal||240.8 cals||109.4 cals||87.6 cals|
At some point near the end of the 700 days this will become my maintenance diet as well
The last calculator is the exercise calculator or how many calories would I burn in 30 minutes doing a certain activity. For now I copy and paste the list. Tomorrow or the next day I will be back to turn all these calculations into a plan.
Calories Burnt For 30 Minutes Exercise
|Walking 3.5 mph (17 min/mile)|
|Weight Lifting (moderate)|
|Walking 4 mph (15 min/mile)|
|Weight Lifting (vigorous)|
|Walking 4.5 mph (13 min/mile)|
|Racquetball: casual, general|
|Running 5 mph (12 min/mile)|
|Running 5.2 mph (11.5 min/mile)|
|Volleyball (non-competitive play)|
|Running 6 mph (10 min/mile)|
|Volleyball (competitive play)|
|Running 6.7 mph (9 min/mile)|
|Running 7.5 mph (8 min/mile)|
|Running 8.6 mph (7 min/mile)|
|Running 10 mph (6 min/mile)|
|Rollerblading/ Inline Skating|
|Running (pushing wheelchair, marathon wheeling)|
|Rock Climbing - rapelling|
|Rock Climbing - ascending|
|Stair/ Step Machine|
|Skiing - downhill|
|Rowing, Stationary (moderate)|
|Rowing, Stationary (vigorous)|
|Bicycling, Stationary (moderate)|
|Bicycling, Stationary (vigorous)|
|Golf - carrying clubs|
|Bicycling 12-13.9 mph|
|Golf (using cart)|
|Bicycling 14-15.9 mph|
|BMX/ Mountain Biking|
|Whitewater Rafting, Kayaking|
|Aerobics (low impact)|
|Aerobics (high impact)|
|Step Aerobics (low impact)|
|Step Aerobics (high impact)|
|Boxing - sparring|
|Football (touch, flag, general)|
Friday, November 1, 2013
The reasons for this battle are many but boil down to three:
- If I don't chances are good I will have a fatal heart-attack & die before I am 55 which is only two years away.
- The doctor has become involved and says that many of the illnesses I am currently dealing with have a link to morbid obesity and that if I want them to go away I must deal with that & quickly
- I have reason to believe that my size has contributed to my lack of employability, there simply isn't enough space between the counter & the prep areas to accommodate my girth and fellow employees without collisions happening which could result in physical damage to my fellow employees and to myself therefore at my current size I am dangerous to other employees.
The ultimate goal:
To go from a weight of 225 lbs to a weight of 125 lbs. To reduce my measurements by 30% and the total fat content of my body from it's current amount which gives me a BMI of 42.5 to a much healthier 24.6
Other than the reasons given above why do I want to lose weight:
- I am sick & tired of having to turn sideways to go through turnstiles
- I want to play with my grandsons for more than a few minutes instead of having to stop because I am tired out and having trouble catching my breath
- I want to be able to walk without it hurting my knees and killing my feet
- I want to be able to wear nice clothes again rather than living in track pants & T-shirts
- I want to be rid of the pain & depression associated with being over-weight
- I want to live to see 100 years. I think 2060 is going to be fantastic
- I want to be able to work at a Tim Hortons and do really well at it and I can't do that unless I get small enough I will fit behind the counter
- I want to fit comfortably on a bike and behind a steering wheel
- I am tired of being tired all the time & I feel that if my heart and lungs have less weight to push around maybe I will have enough energy to take part in a marathon
The method in general terms: Lose weight by changing my diet to a healthier one, taking part in more physical activity, get counselling for dealing with the mental and emotional reasons behind my current eating habits.
The resources I will be using to help me in the battle:
YMCA membership & the help of a certified trainer for 6 weeks
Controlling portions using the accepted mesurements perscribed by the Canadian Diabetic Association
Counselling programs aimed specifically at persons with weight issues starting with Craving Change
I have a number of books in my library which I will read and follow their training plans
Measurements and a more detailed plan is in the works and will be available next Friday. I invite you all along on this journey with me, maybe we can help each other.