Sunday, March 11, 2018


Do you wonder sometimes why you get stuck or are unable to keep to a routine or keep lists in your head of things that need doing but don't ever seem to get done?

I don't understand how this keeps happening to me! I start something, keep to it for a couple of days then don't do it any more?

A 'for instance' from my life: When I moved into this place eleven days ago I had a plan, eat better, sleep regular hours and use my rebounder every day. I managed to control my eating habits fairly well but after a couple of days the others fell away.

In the past few days I have slept 16 hours straight, got up after 5 hours sleep and stayed awake for 18 hours, slept for 3 hours and have now been awake for seven and a half hours.

I used the rebounder for two days but on the third day it became my dresser because putting my clothes away seemed like too much trouble.

I still have stuff to unpack and organize but just can't seem to get to it because my games and my reading takes up the time. In fact I spend most of every day sitting in this chair either reading or playing my games. I would get rid of my computer if it were not the repository for this and everything else like my clip art collection and my library.

I do my banking online, I have several email accounts plus several social media sites I frequent and so much more. Going back to how things were before I got my first computer seems impossible. I mean this is how I pay my bills for petes sake.

At the same time... I will continue to be useless in real life, lost in the pixels of cyberspace. And I really don't like the way that makes me feel.

I have been considering one of those electronic fasts but I run into the same thing, every thing I do is tied to this machine and I don't know if I could function without it.

Thursday, March 1, 2018

A Love Story

Have I ever told you the story of how I met the Professor?

I probably have but February got me to thinking how lucky I got to have made this connection. We are no longer a couple but we are still the best of friends and I will always be in love with him.

Lets see it was in 1997 when we first met through my daughter and a BBS (Bulletin Board System) group we both belonged to. This group had a face to face once a month I think and this young oriental man didn't stand out much to me the first few times I saw him. I say young because he is seven years younger than I am and looked ten years younger than his actual age of 30. He was always there floating around the edges with his camera and flirting with the 18-19 year olds.

My daughter and a couple of friends hung around him because he was known to be very generous to pretty girls and they helped him spend his money. But like most young men he was hoping to make a connection with one of them and though they liked being spoiled they had no interest in him beyond what he could buy them. Harsh but true!

After awhile they began to ask me to go along on some of the trips as a chaperone. Hoping that having an older woman along would stop him from chasing them.

One night as he was dropping the girls off after a meet he came in with my daughter. Earlier in the day they had asked me to speak to him on their behalf. As I said they thought of him as a nice but creepy older man, a sugar daddy.

We talked, after I passed on the message we spent several more hours debating something or other. It felt surreal but very pleasant to have a grown up conversation after spending so much time of talking to my then 18 year old daughter and her friends.

I remember a kiss, I think I'd had too much to drink and I dared him to kiss a real woman, in other words to kiss me. It was short and sweet but it still lingers in my head as it was that night I became interested in him as a possible mate and not a creepy guy chasing my daughter.

About this time my computer was giving me problems and he offered to fix it. I had no idea that he was a computer genius at the time. He seemed to know his stuff so I agreed to take it to his place so he could fix it. No price had been quoted but even before we arrived I knew how I was going to have to pay for it. No overt agreement was made but I think we both knew where we were headed. It turned out he was not bad in bed and I enjoyed what I figured was a one time thing.

A few weeks later he asked me if I wanted to go to a dinner and a show. I naturally assumed he meant a movie and dinner at some cheap restaurant. He took me to Stratford, Ontario to see Romeo and Juliet on stage and out to dinner at The Church which was the fanciest restaurant I had ever been in at that time. I think that is when I fell in love with him.

Between the sex and the stage show I was swept off my feet, from then on we were a couple. The girls were disappointed to find out that he was now spending all his money on me and doing less and less with them. Chalk one up for the older woman!

February Book Log

Hello Everyone! This one is for the readers out there. February is a short month as we all know and I have been reading albeit rather slowly to help get me past the inevitable February Blahs

This Mortal Coil (This Mortal Coil #1)Suvada EmilyFirst hard cover I've read in a long while.
Its a near future techno thriller.
I spent one whole day reading it, I just couldn't put it down
Lemon Meringue Pie Murder (Hannah Swensen, #4)Fluke JoanneCozy Mystery, my go to for light reading
The Gender Game;(The Gender Game #1)Forrest BellaFound this on Amazon a a book of the week.
It is post-apocalypse but a different version than I've seen before. Another book that was
very hard to put down
In Cold BloodCopote TrumanPop sugar reading list: True crime
Not my usual cup of tea but it was mesmerizing.
Get the audio book though else it could be very confusing
Lord John and the Private Matter (Lord John Grey, #1)Gabaldon DianaPop sugar reading list: a book with an LGBTQ+ protagonist
A spin-off from the Outlander series
Casino Royale (James Bond, #1)Fleming IanPop sugar reading list: A book you meant to read in 2017 but never got too
My BF is a 007 nut and has been after me to read at least one of the series so I read #1
Dragonfly in Amber (Outlander, #2)Gabaldon DianaPop sugar reading list: Next book in a series you started.
I got through Outlander but it was an audio book. It was interesting this one wasn't
Double-Booked for Death (Black Cat Bookshop Mystery, #1)Brandon AliAnother cozy mystery, one I've wanted to read for awhile. I read it to drown the images of war & death in my head from Outlander.
Honeymoon of the Dead (Garnet Lacey, #5)Hallaway TateA vampire romance series, I love this author and have read several of her books & series
Almost Final Curtain,(Vampire Princess of St. Paul #2)Hallaway TateAnother vampire romance series.
A Court of Mist and Fury; (A Court of Thorns and Roses #2)Maas Sarah J.How to describe this one... post apocalyptic, within a faerie story, magic is real and humans are mundane. Just read it, I think you'll like it
The Secret Life of BeesKidd SuePop sugar reading list: a book that takes place
in the decade you were born in (for me 1960’s). I was pulled into the story from the beginning but it's hard to find the right description for it.
Sun StormLarsson AsaPop sugar reading list: Nordic Noir. I like a good mystery and this was that but I found it difficult to follow as it switched from past to now and back again without any pause at least in the audiobook version I listened to
The Little Book of Hygge: The Danish Way To Live WellMeik WikingI have been interested in learning more about Hygge since I ran across the term last year. Short but informative. I will definitely be putting some of the ideas in use.

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Valuable insights

I value my eyesight above all of my other senses. Sound and touch can convey necessary information but they can not allow you to become immersed in a book or a movie or even nature. For that you need sight.

Why am I mentioning this? I went to get my yearly eye test, it is a requirement of a person with diabetes, this week. I was diagnosed a couple of years ago but didn't make many changes in what I ate and drank. This past week changed that.

During my exam the optometrist asked if my sugars had been fluctuating? I told her I didn't know because I only got my blood tested when it was time to go see the doctor. She next asked me if I had noticed any fluctuations in my eyesight as fluctuating level can affect the eyes in a diabetic person. Since this had been happening I listened for the first time and actual began to pay attention to my brain and body during the day.

In the week since I have stopped drinking coffee, I ran out, and have been drinking green tea. I have also stopped putting maple syrup on bread and calling it a sandwich as well as several other bad habits I had. I have noticed that my vision stays clear until I get tired which makes the sacrifices more than worth it.

Who knew? I've also been looking for the meter I bought a couple of years ago but so far no luck. If I don't find it during the packing I will have to replace it somehow. That is a problem for a later date.

Thursday, February 1, 2018


You know it, I know it but how to help someone else to develop their own coping skills especially a young adult with far too much responsibility and few social skills with their own peer group.

I  love this young adult as if she were my own and I want to help. The basic problem is that I am not a good role model for the social skills and the depression has been a part of my life for so long I don't know what life looks like without it. If you recognize this young adult please don't call her that will only make the situation worse.

What causes Depression?

I am not going to fill this post with a lot of medical talk suffice it to say that a lot of things can cause it but in my case, at least, it is not a life event but a ongoing problem in my brain. To find out about it read the article by the Harvard Medical School article linked in the title. It is also hereditary, go figure, my dad had it, I have it, both my children have it and the girl probably has it.

The treatment is medication but first she has to see a psychiatrist and get diagnosed. This seems to be a difficulty for her for some reason.

Once the medication becomes active she then needs to find ways to cope when the bad days come. Hopefully the professional from the first part will help her with these if not I will.

She is concerned that she has dyslexia, this concern is adding to her stress join this with a certain social awkwardness and you have a person who is very messed up. My role as always is to act as a friendly ear and a shoulder to cry on to help her begin to see the trees not just the debris in front of her.

Once she can see the tree then maybe she can begin to see the forest and where she fits into it.

What can I do?

1) provide a friendly ear, an open mind and a loving heart
2) assist with getting her the appointment she needs at the hospital

What else?
Teach her some of the easier coping methods for when she feels like she's drowning or whatever it feels like to her

Help her to get testing done to determine if she does have dyslexia and which flavour /s. (Found out in my reading that the psychologist/psychiatrist can help her with this testing as dyslexia is also brain based)

Well I've done a lot of reading and writing so now I just need to wait until she gets here and do what I do best listen and give advise.

Monday, January 22, 2018

In the Dark

I just can't seem to get my head into the right space this year at all. I know it's only January but I feel like I'm drifting. Staying in bed past noon yet during the night I wake up several times to go to the bathroom. I've been having fights in my dreams and that usually only happens when I'm feeling stressed. The thing is during the day I don't feel stressed so much as I feel bored and restless. Listless almost though I can still focus for a little while at least on a book or a game.

Its so confusing, I know I am probably having a depression episode but ... It's too early in the year for the February Blahs and I have no idea what else might have kicked it up. Actually now that I think about it I wonder if it has something to do with my son spending a couple of days in jail after eight years without any problems. That could have triggered it, now I just gotta find a way to get myself back.

If you know depression you know what I mean. I thought hey I'm doing great only a few days ago but in the intervening days something changed and I'm back to dragging my ass. I want to scream but I don't even have the energy for that. 

Friday, January 19, 2018

When Breathe Becomes Air - A quick book review

I have never been one to read autobiographies but I am glad I have read this one. Had it not been on the Paper & Glam Reading List for 2018 I would not have.

If you have looked back you will have noticed that I accept death and have been prepared for it for awhile though I really need to do the money stuff. This man's courageousness blew me away.

A Teaser:

At the age of thirty-six, on the verge of completing a decade’s worth of training as a neurosurgeon, Paul Kalanithi was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. One day he was a doctor treating the dying, and the next he was a patient struggling to live. And just like that, the future he and his wife had imagined evaporated. 

What makes life worth living in the face of death? What do you do when the future, no longer a ladder toward your goals in life, flattens out into a perpetual present? These are some of the questions Kalanithi wrestles with in this profoundly moving, exquisitely observed memoir. Paul Kalanithi died in March 2015, while working on this book, yet his words live on as a guide and a gift to us all.

I hope you read it!